Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize