If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
