I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize