i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
