addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
