the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
