i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
