that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize