Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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