...so i touched it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you had me at cake vodka
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
