if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
