I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
