Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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