Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
