You took a bar mat shot.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
