he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
