Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
