Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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