In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
