redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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