I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
