It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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