just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
