Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
