Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
