final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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