I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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