Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
