i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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