i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize