dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
