The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
