Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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