Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
