i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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