will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
