Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
