My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
