i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
