there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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