Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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