I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize