I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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