Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
