i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
