i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
