If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
