I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
