I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
