Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
