Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He felt like a one man threesome
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
