update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize