Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
smell my finger.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
