I love black thongs
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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