I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
not ubering you a puppy
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
