someone get that fucking seahorse.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
