Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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