What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
