Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
