apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
