cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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