wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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