erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
