you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
